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To only the best men out there,

I’m a hopeful kinda woman, who likes nothing more than football with the right man, and socialising with my good mate, Robin Hood, who admires my helpful qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my smart personality, closly followed by my smashing eyebrows. I can be a jerk when I don’t know people well – with body parts like my eyebrows and my arms, I can afford to be.

I work as a police officer, helping old people. This allows me to exercise my skills: fixing cars and watering plants. One day, I was just about to stop work when Robin Hood appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. “Witty, that was a job well done.” That’s the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, Robin Hood and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser woman would get a big head.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be energetic and splendid. You won’t be afraid to stand up to me and will have a healthy respect for perfection.

My ideal date would involve choir in Wales with a curvaceous man by my side. While we’re there, I evaluate your dirty elbows, checking that you’re up to my understandably high standards.

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Date: August 18, 2019

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