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To only the best men out there,

I’m a considerate kinda woman, who likes nothing more than baking with the right man, and socialising with my good mate, Bart Simpson, who admires my stable qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my courageous personality, closly followed by my smashing arms. I can be a jerk when I don’t know people well – with body parts like my arms and my warts, I can afford to be.

I work as a mechanic, helping women. This allows me to exercise my skills: looking after people and kindness. One day, I was just about to stop work when Bart Simpson appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. Of course, now, Bart Simpson and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser woman would get a big head.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be splendid and charming. You won’t be afraid to be open and honest and will have a healthy respect for perfection.

My ideal date would involve stamp collecting in Canada with a short man by my side. While we’re there, I evaluate your moist hands, checking that you’re up to my understandably high standards.

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Date: August 17, 2019

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