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I have given pleasure to the world because I have such beautiful ankles! (Or so the Cat might say.)

To the only good man out there,

I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been hurt pretty bad in the past. I refuse to be a cash machine or play thing ever again. So don’t message me unless you know how to respect women. I’m a fun kinda woman.

I’m a hopeful lady, who likes nothing more than football with the right man.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my funny personality, closly followed by my smashing ankles. I hope you will not laugh at my ankles, as men have in the past, or treat my abs like a joke.

I work as a hairdresser, helping teenagers. This allows me to exercise my skills: resourcefulness and patience. My job once caused me to encounter Cliff Richard, yet still men treat me like junk. It’s just not on.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be brave and splendid. You won’t be afraid to spend time with my friends and will have a healthy respect for cars.

My ideal date would involve football in Cornwall with a brown man by my side. While we’re there, I admire your ugly ankles, hoping to myself that you’re not another nutter.

In case I haven’t made myself clear, men have hurt me in the past – bad. My last partner nailed my grandmother to a spike. Now I’m looking for a splendid man with ugly ankles, as I read in a magazine that they are the least evil.

‘Now kindly cluck off before I extract your giblets and shove a large, seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.’

Prove me wrong about men?

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Date: May 17, 2020

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