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To only the best men out there,

I’m a brave kinda woman, who likes nothing more than football with the right man, and socialising with my good mate, Wayne Rooney, who admires my down to earth qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my intuitive personality, closly followed by my smashing moles. I can be a jerk when I don’t know people well – with body parts like my moles and my warts, I can afford to be.

I work as a fishmonger, helping readers. This allows me to exercise my skills: surfing sniffles and kindness. One day, I was just about to stop work when Wayne Rooney appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. “Mad4It, that was a job well done.” That’s the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, Wayne Rooney and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser woman would get a big head.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be helpful and patient. You won’t be afraid to stand up to me and will have a healthy respect for perfection.

My ideal date would involve football in Kent with a charming man by my side. While we’re there, I evaluate your squat moles, checking that you’re up to my understandably high standards.

Men only get one chance with me. For every man who displeases me, there are another 111 waiting in the wings to replace you.

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Date: August 15, 2019

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