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To only the best men out there,

I’m a stable kinda woman, who likes nothing more than star gazing with the right man, and socialising with my good mate, Ricky Gervais, who admires my remarkable qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my gentle personality, closly followed by my smashing ankles. I can be a jerk when I don’t know people well – with body parts like my ankles and my hands, I can afford to be.

I work as a housekeeper, helping the public. This allows me to exercise my skills: cutting hair and drawing. One day, I was just about to stop work when Ricky Gervais appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. “Adorable99, that was a job well done.” That’s the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, Ricky Gervais and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser woman would get a big head.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be hopeful and stable. You won’t be afraid to be open and honest and will have a healthy respect for personal freedom.

My ideal date would involve hiking in Kent with a ruddy man by my side. While we’re there, I evaluate your ugly spots, checking that you’re up to my understandably high standards.

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Date: August 19, 2019

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