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I am the swordsman you’re looking for.

I wonder if I could intrude upon a little of your time,

I’m a cute kind of girl, who likes nothing more than football with the right man.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my admirable personality, closly followed by my smashing hands. My friends say I’m very cute and that I have great hands and acceptable warts, but what would I know? I just live in this heap of junk they call my body.

I work as a swordsman, helping old ladies. This allows me to exercise my skills: kindness and planting trees. The most interesting thing that’s happened to me at work, is that Keanu Reeves asked me for a sandwich.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be hopeful and adorable. You won’t be afraid to meet my parents and will have a healthy respect for friendship.

My ideal date would involve socialising in New York with a charming man by my side. While we’re there, I worship your charming eyes, only able to aspire to being worthy of you.

I’m just a humble girl trying to make my way in the world. I cannot imagine why you’d want to date little old me, but if an ordinary, nice bloke is something you think you could find yourself growing to love, I do have all my own teeth and an adequate pension plan.

May the force be with you.

If you can find it in your heart to take pity on a hopeless romantic, please give me a whirl.

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Date: August 16, 2019

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