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To only the best men out there,

I’m an understanding kinda woman, who likes nothing more than golf with the right man, and socialising with my good mate, David Bowie, who admires my noble qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my friendly personality, closly followed by my smashing ankles. I can be a jerk when I don’t know people well – with body parts like my ankles and my arms, I can afford to be.

I work as a doctor, helping disabled people. This allows me to exercise my skills: cutting hair and fixing cars. One day, I was just about to stop work when David Bowie appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. Of course, now, David Bowie and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser woman would get a big head.

If you’re the right man for me, you’ll be virtuous and admirable. You won’t be afraid to meet my parents and will have a healthy respect for monogamy.

My ideal date would involve knitting in Dubai with a blonde man by my side. While we’re there, I evaluate your solid abs, checking that you’re up to my understandably high standards.

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Date: January 22, 2020

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